The Incompetents



Establishing shot. It is late afternoon and we are looking at a street outside a run-down shopping mall. A neon sign hangs above one store – ‘DIAMOND BILL’S ARCADE’. It’s a shitty looking place, with dirty windows, trash piled up on the sidewalk, and maybe one or two of the neon letters on the sign not working. Two teenage boys are walking past, heads down, hands in pockets.



Inside the store now. It’s dark in dingy, with pinball machines and arcade games jammed in tight. There aren’t many people in the store. Behind the counter near the front door sits ‘Diamond Bill,’ an overweight, balding male wearing a stained white singlet. A cigarette hangs out of his mouth. Two signs can be seen. ‘NO CHANGE GIVEN’ hangs on the counter. ‘NO SMOKING’ hangs on the wall above Bill’s head.


Sitting at neighbouring machines are our soon to be heroes. TOMMY BURNS is skinny, with a mop of blonde hair and a pathetic amount of facial hair, is playing a machine called ‘MORTAL FIGHTER.’ BOBBY- JOE PIMPLETON, is a fat, slobbish male with little interest in fashion. He has brown, shortish hair. Both boys are about fifteen years old. BOBBY-JOE is playing a machine called ‘STREET KOMBAT.’


  1. TOMMY: Nah, you can’t beat my high score. It’s, like, totally                                                                                          unbeatable.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: Get real, idiot! Watch me smash it!


  1. SFX: (musical from cell phone in Bobby-Joe’s back pocket – Katie Perry song)

‘and you’re gonna hear me roar!’



Close up on Bobby-Joe’s butt. His jeans have slipped while he leans over his game machine. An alarming about of butt crack can be seen. A cell phone can be seen poking out the top of his jeans pocket. It is vibrating with the call. Bobby-Joe is ignoring it. The call is from Bobby-Joe’s mother.


  1. MOTHER PIMPLETON: (off panel – via cell phone) ‘Bobby dear, it’s your mother. I just got                                                 a call from Principal Hendricks. He said you weren’t                                                                                         at school again today.’



Back to a shot of the boys playing their games. Bobby-Joe reaches back and terminates the call, cutting his mother off. Tommy has finished his game. He has one arm in the air, showing a sweat stain in the pit of his shirt. The other hand is still folding the game controller.


  1. MOTHER PIMPLETON: (off panel – via cell phone)

‘Bobby dear, you need to go to scho –‘


  1. SFX: CLICK!


  1. TOMMY: Yes! Another high score.





Tommy has pulled his wallet out of his jeans and is looking in it. There is no cash or coins, no cards, nothing really. It really is a waste of time carrying a wallet, but Tommy still does.


  1. TOMMY Out of coin.


  1. TOMMY: Bobby, you got any coins left?
















































Diamond Bill’s head pokes up from his television. If Diamond Bill has any special abilities, it is to hear when kids say they have no money left. He yells furiously at the boys.


  1. DIAMOND BILL: No money?! Then you can get the hell out!



Bobby and Tommy are leaving Diamond Bill’s Arcade via the front door. Tommy leads the way. He looks like he knows where he is going.


  1. DIAMOND BILL: (off panel) And don’t come back until you’ve got some!


  1. TOMMY: C’mon, I got an idea where we can get some coin.



Front on shot. Tommy is walking towards a nearby parking meter, which is closer in the shot that the boys are. Tommy has a screw driver in his hand. Bobby struggles to keep up and has no idea what Tommy intends on doing.


  1. BOBBY: What are you doin’?


  1. TOMMY: Getting more change.



Similar sort of panel, but the boys have both stopped walking. The screeching of tyres has echoes down the road from behind them. The truck making the noise cannot be seen yet. If this panel and panel five are next to each other on the page, the SFX could carry across the two panels.





Front on shot again. The boys have half turned around to see what made the noise. In between them, we can see a flat bad truck come screeching around a corner. Multi-coloured liquid sploshes out of open drums that are tied to the back of the truck.



















Large panel. The boys have both turned around and are facing the oncoming truck. They are on the sidewalk, but the angle the truck is travelling has it moving straight towards the boys.



Inset panel to Panel One. This panel shows a close up of the driver of the truck. He is your traditional truck driver – big handlebar moustache, cap, red and white checked shirt. He is currently taking a large drink from a can of beer. He is most definitely not watching where he is driving.



A shot back on the boys. The boys still haven’t moved. They stand, staring at the truck. The truck is on the road, passing to boys. There is a large splash of liquid coming out of the barrels in the back. The splash of liquid will go everywhere, but mostly it will squarely hit the boys.



Close up of both boy’s faces from above. Their mouths are open. They can see the liquid is about the hit them. The liquid isn’t in this panel.



The liquid splashes onto the boys, completely covering them. They still haven’t moved an inch.

































Both boys stand were they are, soaked in the ‘mystery’ liquid that sloshed out of the back of the truck. They are looking in the direction the truck has gone.


  1. TOMMY: That son of a bitch!


  1. BOBBY: Ass!



We continue to hear the boys speaking, but they are no longer in panel. We close in on the truck as it speeds away. The driver has his arm out the window, beer held high. We can’t hear anything, but it would be like the driver is cheering ‘Woohoo!’


  1. TOMMY: (off panel) Wanna go back to the arcade?


  1. BOBBY: (off panel) With this crap all over us? Uh-uh.



Closer and on the truck, but only the rear three quarters. This time we see it from side on. There is a sign on the side of the truck’s tray, reading ‘PARTY LIQUIDS – All the drinks you’ll ever need!’


  1. TOMMY: (off panel)                                                 What is this crap? It smells weird.


  1. BOBBY: (off panel) My skin is all tingly.



Closer on the corner of the sign. It is peeling away. Underneath there is another sign. All that can be seen is the nuclear warning symbol. This truck is not all that it appears.


  1. TOMMY: (off panel) Let’s go home.





Panel One

Early evening in a lower class neighbourhood. Shitty, poorly maintained houses line the street. A bus has stopped at a bus stop. BOBBY-JOE and TOMMY can be seen running out the door of the bus.


  1. BUS DRIVER: …and you little bastards won’t step foot on this bus                                                                                        again – I friggin’ guarantee it!




Panel Two

The bus can be seen in the distance, driving away. The boys are walking along the side of the road, heads down, hands in pockets.


  1. TOMMY: I heard someone got shot here last night.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: Someone gets shot here every night.


Panel Three

From in front of the boys as the walk along the street. BOBBY-JOE looks particularly miserable. TOMMY is itching at his arms.


  1. TOMMY: I’m not talking about your mom, dude!


  1. TOMMY: Haha – burn!


Panel Four

TOMMY looks at BOBBY-JOE in a way that could almost be concern.


  1. TOMMY: Bobby-Joe? I just ragged on your mom.


  1. TOMMY: Dude?


Panel Five

TOMMY punches BOBBY-JOE in the arm to get his attention.


  1. TOMMY: Hey, douchebag! Wake up.


Panel Six

BOBBY-JOE looks at TOMMY with fury. TOMMY is rubbing the hand he punched BOBBY-JOE with.


  1. TOMMY: Ow.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: What the hell do you want from me?







Panel One

TOMMY hold both his hands up in front of him. BOBBY-JOE is standing in front of him, fists raised to fight.


  1. TOMMY: Chill out, dude. I was joking.


Panel Two

BOBBY-JOE is walking off down the street. TOMMY stands still and watches him go.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: Just leave me alone!


  1. TOMMY: Then we aren’t having a Friday the 13th movie                                                                                                    marathon tonight?




  1. TOMMY: Damn.


Panel Three

Night time in a very different neighbourhood. TOMMY is walking up to the front door of a lovely, middle class home. The lights are on inside and it looks very welcoming.


  1. TOMMY’S MOTHER: Tommy, is that you?


  1. TOMMY: Yeah, mom. It’s me.


Panel Four

TOMMY is now inside and entering the dining room. There is a large dining table, with four people seated around it. TOMMY’S MOTHER, TOMMY’S FATHER, Tommy’s twelve year old sister LILA, and Tommy’s six year old sister, JESS. Everyone is dressed nicely, and there are meals set out for everyone.


  1. TOMMY’S MOTHER: Sit down, darling. Dinner is ready.


  1. TOMMY: Thanks Mom.


Panel Five

TOMMY is eating his meal, but looks miserable. TOMMY’S MOTHER has noticed. TOMMY also has a slightly red tinge to his skin.


  1. TOMMY’S MOTHER: What’s wrong with you, Tommy? You know I can                                                                                              always tell when your down. What’s bothering you?


  1. TOMMY: It’s Bobby-Joe, Mom. He’s being a douc – I mean, he                                                                                     is not – I dunno, something’s wrong with him.





Panel Six

TOMMY’S MOTHER has her best supportive mother expression.


  1. TOMMY’S MOTHER: Bobby-Joe hasn’t had a good upbringing like you,                                                                                             Tommy. Sometimes, kids like him get angry,                                                                                                       seemingly for no reason. But, it is usually because                                                                                            they are angry at themselves, or the world.


  1. TOMMY’S MOTHER: What he really needs, I think, is a friend like you.


Panel Seven

Tommy looks slightly happier now. His skin is turned nearly pink. He is itching at his face.


  1. TOMMY: Thanks Mom. You’re the best.


  1. TOMMY: I’m not really hungry. May I be excused to go and                                                                                            take a shower?


  1. TOMMY’S MOTHER: Of course, darling. Off you go.





NOTE TO ARTIST – I see this page as six equal sized panels, three on the left and three on the right. Tommy’s side on one side, Bobby-Joe’s on the other.


Panel One

TOMMY is waking in bed. The sun is streaming into the room through the curtains. The room is clean and tidy.


  1. TOMMY’S MOTHER (OP): Time to get up, Tommy!


Panel Two

BOBBY-JOE is waking in his bed. Heavy, dirty curtains hang at the window. The room is dirty and unclean, with washing on the floor and stains on the wall.


  1. MOTHER PIMPLETON (OP): School time, Bobby darling.




  1. MOTHER PIMPLETON (OP): Okay, darling. No problem.


Panel Three

TOMMY is out of bed. He is looking at this body – no longer is he a skinny kid. He is now muscular, with the physique of a superhero.


  1. TOMMY: What the hell?


Panel Four

BOBBY-JOE is out of the bed. He is still a fat, slobbish kid. BOBBY-JOE is holding his hands over his ears and has a pained expression on his face.


  1. VOICES (TELEPATHY): — wish he would ask me –


  1. VOICES (TELEPATHY): — if I don’t finish that presentation –


  1. VOICE (TELEPATHY): — I’ll kill them all –


  1. BOBBY-JOE: What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On?


Panel Five

TOMMY is holding his cell phone to his ear.


  1. TOMMY: Bobby-Joe. Something’s happened. We need to                                                                                                              meet up.


Panel Six

BOBBY-JOE is also on his cell phone.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: Yep. Diamond Bill’s. An hour.





Panel One

TOMMY and BOBBY-JOE are standing in the street outside Diamond Bill’s Arcade. TOMMY is wearing is old clothes, which are no far too small for him. BOBBY-JOE is facing him. He has a pair of winter ear-muffs on, though it is not cold.


  1. TOMMY: Something’s happen, Bobby-Joe.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: Whatever makes out think that?


  1. TOMMY (thought): What’s up his ass?


  1. BOBBY-JOE: What’s up my ass? I’ll tell you. Look at you. You’re                                                                                           ripped. The chicks are gonna love you.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: And look at me? All I get are a head full of other                                                                                                peoples thought! Constant, preposterous, self-                                                                                                                absorbed thoughts meandering like lost cattle.


  1. TOMMY: What the hell are you talking about? You lost me.






Panel One

BOBBY-JOE is yelling at TOMMY. His arms are raised in anger.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: Of course I did. My intellect is limitless. I look at                                                                                                                 anything and can understand how it works.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: And guess what? I couldn’t care less. You get to look                                                                                      like a god, and I can understand anything. But, I                                                                                                                have no interest in knowing anything!


Panel Two

TOMMY is now yelling back at BOBBY-JOE.


  1. TOMMY: You think I asked for this? I don’t even know why it                                                                                         happened.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: It was that truck and the liquid it splashed on us.


  1. TOMMY: Why would that do this?


Panel Three

TOMMY and BOBBY-JOE have turned to look towards Diamond Bill’s Arcade.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: It is pretty simple. The liquid entered the cells of our                                                                                      body via osmosis. By doing so, it has altered our                                                                                                DNA on a molecular level, giving us super-human                                                                                       powers –


  1. DIAMOND BILL (OP): Who the hell is doing all that yellin’?


Panel Four

Diamond Bill smashes his way out of the front window of his store. He no longer looks human. He is a monstrous creature with tentacles and sharp teeth.


  1. DIAMOND BILL: You two! You left that crap on the sidewalk. I had to                                                                                       clean it up.


  1. DIAMOND BILL: And now look at me!


  1. DIAMOND BILL: I’m gonna kill ya both for this!






Panel One

DIAMOND BILL lashes out with his tentacles, which have smashed into the ground next to TOMMY, who is diving aside.


  1. SFX: BOOM


Panel Two

DIAMOND BILL lashes out again, and TOMMY ducks underneath the swinging tentacles.




Panel Three

BOBBY-JOE has his hands up to the side of his head. Using telekensis, BOBBY-JOE smashes a post-box into DIAMOND BILL, knocking him back towards the shop.




Panel Four

DIAMOND BILL is lying on his back, not moving. BOBBY-JOE his helping TOMMY to his feet.


  1. TOMMY: What is that … thing? And where did that post-box                                                                                          come from?


  1. BOBBY-JOE: It’s Diamond Bill, obviously. Mutated in a similar                                                                                                way to that which we have been.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: And the post-box – I threw it at him. With                                                                                                            telekinesis.


Panel Five

From behind the boys and looking towards the shop. The silhouette of DIAMOND BILL can be seen inside the shop. He is standing and has mutated further, looking far more monstrous than before.


  1. TOMMY: Telekinesis? What the f*#k is telekinesis?


  1. BOBBY-JOE: If your mind wasn’t that of a sub-human primate,                                                                                            you would know what it is!


  1. TOMMY: I don’t even know if that is an insult or not!


Panel Six

DIAMOND BILL is fully out of the store and standing on the sidewalk. He is grinning evilly. TOMMY and BOBBY-JOE have stopped arguing and are staring at DIAMOND BILL.


  1. DIAMOND JOE: Ready for round two, boys?








Panel One

DIAMOND BILL smashes a tentacle down on the ground, pinning TOMMY underneath. BOBBY-JOE dives out of the way.




Panel Two

TOMMY is pinned to the ground, but is trying to push the tentacle off him. His muscles are bulging with the effort.


  1. TOMMY: Can’t … do … it.


Panel Three

BOBBY-JOE is levitating a car. DIAMOND BILL continues to try and squash TOMMY.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: Eat a car, you foul creature.


Panel Four

BOBBY-JOE smashes the car into DIAMOND BILL from above. It crushes him flat.




Panel Five

BOBBY-JOE is lifting the tentacle off TOMMY. TOMMY isn’t too badly injured, just some scratches and bruising.


  1. TOMMY: Did you kill him?


  1. BOBBY-JOE: I think so.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: I … I haven’t killed anyone before.





Panel One

TOMMY places a hand on BOBBY-JOE’s shoulder.


  1. TOMMY: Of course you haven’t. We’re kids, after all.


Panel Two

TOMMY has a mischievous smile.


  1. TOMMY: I have an idea that might cheer you up.


Panel Three

TOMMY is ripping a nearby parking meter out of the ground.


Panel Four

TOMMY is hitting a still dead DIAMOND BILL with the parking meter.


  1. TOMMY: Can’t stay unless we have coin, huh? Well, how do                                                                                          you like this coin, you stupid piece of crap?


Panel Five

Close up on BOBBY-JOE’s face. He doesn’t look impressed.


Panel Six

Same again, except this time BOBBY-JOE is smiling.


Panel Seven

TOMMY and BOBBY-JOE are running off down the street.




  1. BOBBY-JOE: C’mon, let’s scatter before the coppers get here.


Panel Eight

Small panel. One of DIAMOND BILL’s tentacles has risen off the ground. He isn’t dead yet.







Panel One

Large panel of the inside of a rundown diner. There are several tables and booths, as well as a line of stools at the counter. There are a few other diners, and an older waitress behind the counter. This waitress is MOTHER PIMPLETON. TOMMY and BOBBY-JOE sit side by side at the counter.


  1. MOTHER PIMPLETON: Okay, boys, what’ll you have today.


  1. TOMMY: Burger and fries, please.


  1. MOTHER PIMPLETON: Same as always, hey Tommy?


  1. MOTHER PIMPLETON: Something different about you, Tommy? Is that a                                                                                            new shirt?


Panel Two

TOMMY is looking down at his shirt. It is still dirty from the fight with DIAMOND JOE. TOMMY looks confused.


  1. TOMMY: Nah, not new.


Panel Three

BOBBY-JOE is looking at TOMMY.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: Ignore her. We have more important things to                                                                                                  discuss.


  1. MOTHER PIMPLETON: Bobby-Joe – what have I told you about manners?


  1. BOBBY-JOE: Mother, please. Just retrieve our food.


Panel Four

MOTHER PIMPLETON puts a plate of food each in front of TOMMY and BOBBY-JOE.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: Thankyou, mother. Now, if you would be so kind,                                                                                            please return to your menial labour job and allow us                                                                                       to speak in private.


Panel Five

MOTHER PIMPLETON stares at BOBBY-JOE like a second head has just grown out of his ass (it hasn’t).




Panel Six

BOBBY-JOE looks at TOMMY again. MOTHER PIMPLETON has wandered off and is no longer in shot.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: So, I think there is one important question that                                                                                                                 needs answering prior to making any further plans.


  1. BOBBY-JOE: Are we super-heroes or super-villains?