Shafted

Here’s my latest completed work. It was pretty fun to write, but I don’t think it is suitable for submission.

It is a good example of the script formatting I use. I feel it breaks up the pages and panels nicely, and the bolding of the PAGE and Panel titles really assists this. Generally, I am not too detailed in the scene descriptions. I like to leave the artist as free as possible to interpret the work and put it on the page. I’m not an artist, and I’d prefer to allow the artist, who hopefully will see the page visually better than I could, the freedom to improve on what I have put down and really make it zing.

I don’t always leave it entirely to the artist, though. In another recent work, I had a very specific set of visuals I wanted to get across, and so, as a consequence, the panel descriptions tend to have more details and perspective suggestions. I say suggestions, because, as I always try to be, I’m open to differing ideas.

Anyway, hope you enjoy. There’s not much in the way of characterisation in this one, just a little horror. Enjoy.

***EDIT – after having a quick look through, there seems to be a few editing issues (mainly extra lines) that didn’t appear in Google Docs when I wrote it. Sorry about that. Normally, I would only leave one blank line between each section (panel description and dialogue) ****

**** EDIT TWO – I think I fixed most of the formatting issues. I have indented the dialogue/SFX/Captions just to see how it feels to have them that way. I normally don’t, it the whole script did look like one massive wall of text. It looks a little easier to follow now ****

PAGE ONE (five panels)
Panel One:
Outside a mine shaft that has been closed off by timber palings in what seems an excessive amount. A crucifix has been painted over the timbers. Outside the entrance stand six miners. They in are classic mining gear – helmets with lights on top, pickaxes, steel cart – but they don’t look like professional miners. They are led by Gavin Miller. He stands at the front of the group, pointing towards the mines entrance. Two other miners stand nearby with crowbars. Everyone but Miller look apprehensive.

GAVIN MILLER:
There IS no danger. The mine was closed because of an accident. Not because it was unstable.

MINER ONE:
But … we heard –

Panel Two:
Profile shot of Miner One and MILLER. Miller has his arms crossed over his chest. He is listening to something he has heard before and getting sick of hearing again.

MINER ONE:
We heard that the mines was haunted. By – ya know – monsters.

Panel Three:
Closer on MILLER. He is slapping his thighs with laughter. Really over the top laughter.

MILLER:
Ahahahaha! Monsters! You lot kill me!

Panel Four:
Closer again on MILLER. He is lost all laughter from his expression. He now looks serious; and dangerous.

MILLER:
Get this mine open, now.

Panel Five:
On the mine shaft again. The two miners with crowbars are prying off the wooden panels.

 

PAGE TWO (six panels)

Panel One:
The wooden panels on the front of the mine have now been removed. There is only darkness beyond. One miner holds an old fashioned kerosene lamp high and well out in front of him. It doesn’t illuminate much.

MILLER:
Alright, let’s go and get rich, shall we?

Panel Two:
The group of six miners have entered the mine and are slowly making their way down. MILLER leads, using a modern style flashlight. The Kerosene Lamp Miner is closed behind. There is light, but only a small circle around the miners.

MINER ONE:
Mike, why do you even bring that stupid kerosene lamp? It is worse than useless.

MIKE:
It’s a classic. It wouldn’t be mining if there wasn’t a kerosene lamp. Real mining, I mean.

Panel Three:
The last miner in the group, Jeff, stops. He is looking behind, back the way they have just walked.

JEFF:
Did anyone else hear that?

Panel Four:
Jeff has turned around and is peering backwards into the darkness. He can’t see anything.

MIKE: (off panel)
C’mon, there ain’t nothing back there.

Panel Five:
Jeff has turned back towards the group and is following the rest of the gang.

Panel Six: (inset panel)
Looking into the darkness behind the men. A pair of red eyes flash in the darkness. There is something in there.

PAGE THREE: (five panels)

Panel One:
The group have reached a large cavern and have all gathered around Miller, who is reading a map. There are tunnels branching off in a few different directions.

JEFF:
This looks to be where the mining ceased last time. From what I have heard, they had just struck a deep vein of gold prior to the accident.

Panel Two:
Mike is using his kerosene lamp to look into one of the deeper tunnels. It is not doing a particularly good job.

MIKE:
For being so deep underground, the mine shafts still look remarkably stable.

Panel Three:
Mike turns back to the rest of the group. He now has his back to the mine shaft he was just looking in to.

MIKE:
That’s really pretty good considering no-one has been down here for over fifty years –

Panel Four:
Something from the darkness, unseen, is yanking Mike back into the shadows of the tunnel behind him. Whatever it is must be strong as it has ripped him right off his feet.

MIKE:
ARRGGHH!

Panel Five:
The remaining five miners have turned towards the mine shaft where Mike just was. Mike is no longer there. All the miners have shocked expressions on their faces.

PAGE FOUR: (five panels)

Panel One:
Two of the miners approach the tunnel entrance, pickaxes in hand.

MINER TWO:
Mike? You in there, buddy?

Panel Two:
Much to the relief of the other miners, Mike pops his head and chest out from the darkness. But only his head and chest. Mike has no expression on his face. He looks dead.

MINER TWO:
Mike, buddy. You had us worried! Thought something bad had happened to you.

Panel Three:
The top half of Mike’s body is thrown into the cavern. It appears to have been bitten in half and is trailing guts and blood.

Panel Four:
The five remaining miners stand in stunned silence, mouths agape.

Panel Five:
In the all the remaining tunnel mouths, red eyes start glowing. Whatever killed Mike had friends. Many, many friends.

 

 PAGE FIVE: (six panels)

Panel One:
The monsters emerge from the tunnels – demonic looking, fangs and claws dripping with saliva, ready for their feast.

Panel Two:
Jeff and Miller make a dash for the tunnel back to the surface. The other two miners are massacred.

SFX:
ROOWWRR!

Panel Three:
Jeff and Miller are running as fast as they can.

JEFF:
Run!

MILLER:
What do you think I’m doing, dumbass?

Panel Four:
A shot from behind Jeff and Miller. The entrance is in sight.

JEFF:
Nearly there!

MILLER:
If you just shut up, we’d be there by now.

Panel Five:
At the entrance now. Two of the monsters appear at the tunnel entrance. Jeff and Mike have spotted and look resigned to their gruesome fate.

JEFF:
Let’s go into the old, haunted mine, he says. It’ll be fun, he says.

MILLER:
At last, we agree.

Panel Six:
From outside the tunnel. Blood and gore explode from the tunnel as the monsters tear Jeff and Miller apart.

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