The Incompetents

Something silly I wrote a few months back. I was thinking of doing this as a web comic, but I never got around to getting any more done. It’s titles The Incompetents.

PAGE ONE (five panels)

Panel 1.
Establishing shot. It is late afternoon and we are looking at a street outside a run-down shopping mall. A neon sign hangs above one store – ‘DIAMOND BILL’S ARCADE’. It’s a shitty looking place, with dirty windows, trash piled up on the sidewalk, and maybe one or two of the neon letters on the sign not working. Two teenage boys are walking past, heads down, hands in pockets.

Panel 2.
Inside the store now. It’s dark in dingy, with pinball machines and arcade games jammed in tight. There aren’t many people in the store. Behind the counter near the front door sits ‘Diamond Bill,’ an overweight, balding male wearing a stained white singlet. A cigarette hangs out of his mouth. Two signs can be seen. ‘NO CHANGE GIVEN’ hangs on the counter. ‘NO SMOKING’ hangs on the wall above Bill’s head.

Sitting at neighbouring machines are our soon to be heroes. TOMMY BURNS is skinny, with a mop of blonde hair and a pathetic amount of facial hair, is playing a machine called ‘MORTAL FIGHTER.’ BOBBY- JOE PIMPLETON, is a fat, slobbish male with little interest in fashion. He has brown, shortish hair. Both boys are about fifteen years old. BOBBY-JOE is playing a machine called ‘STREET KOMBAT.’

TOMMY:
Nah, you can’t beat my high score. It’s, like, totally unbeatable.

BOBBY-JOE:
Get real, idiot! Watch me smash it!

SFX: (musical from cell phone in Bobby-Joe’s back pocket – Katie Perry song)
‘and you’re gonna hear me roar!’

Panel 3.
Close up on Bobby-Joe’s butt. His jeans have slipped while he leans over his game machine. An alarming about of butt crack can be seen. A cell phone can be seen poking out the top of his jeans pocket. It is vibrating with the call. Bobby-Joe is ignoring it. The call is from Bobby-Joe’s mother.

MOTHER PIMPLETON: (off panel – via cell phone)
‘Bobby dear, it’s your mother. I just got a call from Principal Hendricks. He said you weren’t at school again today.’

Panel 4.
Back to a shot of the boys playing their games. Bobby-Joe reaches back and terminates the call, cutting his mother off. Tommy has finished his game. He has one arm in the air, showing a sweat stain in the pit of his shirt. The other hand is still folding the game controller.

MOTHER PIMPLETON: (off panel – via cell phone)
‘Bobby dear, you need to go to scho –‘

SFX:
CLICK!

TOMMY:
Yes! Another high score.
Panel 5.
Tommy has pulled his wallet out of his jeans and is looking in it. There is no cash or coins, no cards, nothing really. It really is a waste of time carrying a wallet, but Tommy still does.

TOMMY:
Out of coin.

TOMMY:
Bobby, you got any coins left?

PAGE TWO (five panels)

Panel 1.
Diamond Bill’s head pokes up from his television. If Diamond Bill has any special abilities, it is to hear when kids say they have no money left. He yells furiously at the boys.

DIAMOND BILL:
No money?! Then you can get the hell out!

Panel 2.
Bobby and Tommy are leaving Diamond Bill’s Arcade via the front door. Tommy leads the way. He looks like he knows where he is going.

DIAMOND BILL: (of panel)
And don’t come back until you’ve got some!

TOMMY:
C’mon, I got an idea where we can get some coin.

Panel 3.
Front on shot. Tommy is walking towards a nearby parking meter, which is closer in the shot that the boys are. Tommy has a screw driver in his hand. Bobby struggles to keep up and has no idea what Tommy intends on doing.

BOBBY:
What are you doin’?

TOMMY:
Getting more change.

Panel 4.
Similar sort of panel, but the boys have both stopped walking. The screeching of tyres has echoes down the road from behind them. The truck making the noise cannot be seen yet. If this panel and panel five are next to each other on the page, the SFX could carry across the two panels.

SFX:
SCREECH

Panel 5.
Front on shot again. The boys have half turned around to see what made the noise. In between them, we can see a flat bad truck come screeching around a corner. Multi-coloured liquid sploshes out of open drums that are tied to the back of the truck.

SFX:
SCREECH

PAGE THREE (five panels)

Panel 1.
Large panel. The boys have both turned around and are facing the oncoming truck. They are on the sidewalk, but the angle the truck is travelling has it moving straight towards the boys.

Panel 2.
Inset panel to Panel One. This panel shows a close up of the driver of the truck. He is your traditional truck driver – big handlebar moustache, cap, red and white checked shirt. He is currently taking a large drink from a can of beer. He is most definitely not watching where he is driving.

Panel 3.
A shot back on the boys. The boys still haven’t moved. They stand, staring at the truck. The truck is on the road, passing to boys. There is a large splash of liquid coming out of the barrels in the back. The splash of liquid will go everywhere, but mostly it will squarely hit the boys.

Panel 4.
Close up of both boy’s faces from above. Their mouths are open. They can see the liquid is about the hit them. The liquid isn’t in this panel.

Panel 5.
The liquid splashes onto the boys, completely covering them. They still haven’t moved an inch.

PAGE FOUR (panels)

Panel 1.
Both boys stand were they are, soaked in the ‘mystery’ liquid that sloshed out of the back of the truck. They are looking in the direction the truck has gone.

TOMMY:
That son of a bitch!

BOBBY:
Ass!

Panel 2.
We continue to hear the boys speaking, but they are no longer in panel. We close in on the truck as it speeds away. The driver has his arm out the window, beer held high. We can’t hear anything, but it would be like the driver is cheering ‘Woohoo!’

TOMMY: (off panel)
Wanna go back to the arcade?

BOBBY: (off panel)
With this crap all over us? Uh-uh.

Panel 3.
Closer and on the truck, but only the rear three quarters. This time we see it from side on. There is a sign on the side of the truck’s tray, reading ‘PARTY LIQUIDS – All the drinks you’ll ever need!’

TOMMY: (off panel)
What is this crap? It smells weird.

BOBBY: (off panel)
My skin is all tingly.

Panel 4.
Closer on the corner of the sign. It is peeling away. Underneath there is another sign. All that can be seen is the nuclear warning symbol. This truck is not all that it appears.

TOMMY: (off panel)
Let’s go home.

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